by Robyn

How a Prisoner of War Story Helped Me Prepare for Birth

January 20, 2016 in Adversity, Book, Depression, Faith, Fear, Gratitude, Guest Post, Jesus Christ, joy, Missions, Motherhood, Pain, Postpartum Depression, Pregnancy, Preparation, Robyn, Savior, Thoughts, Uncategorized, Waiting by Robyn

American and Filipino prisoners of war captured by the Japanese are shown at the start of the Death March after the surrender of Bataan on April 9 near Mariveles in the Philippines in 1942 during World War II. Starting on April 10 from Mariveles, on the southern end of the Bataan Penisula, 70,000 POWs were force-marched to Camp O'Donnell, a new prison camp 65 miles away. (AP Photo)

American and Filipino prisoners of war captured by the Japanese are shown at the start of the Death March after the surrender of Bataan on April 9 near Mariveles in the Philippines in 1942 during World War II. Starting on April 10 from Mariveles, on the southern end of the Bataan Penisula, 70,000 POWs were force-marched to Camp O’Donnell, a new prison camp 65 miles away. (AP Photo)

 

I want to thank my friend Natalie for this beautiful post.  We became friends because of our mutual love for birth but beyond that Natalie really is a beautiful person inside and out.  –Robyn


I am currently “overdue” with my FIFTH boy. Yes, my fifth. There are no girls among them. That’s a lot of boys. And oh how I love them. 
And after all these boys, I am a bit experienced, in my own experience at least.  And that is why I have been so scared recently. Yes, scared to bring home another baby because I know what could possibly be coming along with him.  Finally, after going through 4 newborn phases, I’ve figured out that I usually get a good case of post partum OCD/anxiety. After I give birth, I really struggle with the newborn phase. I struggle with scary and intrusive thoughts, anxiety, lots of crying, irrational fears…… which result in guilt, embarrassment, shame, and feelings of failure, for a few months.  I’ve had some hard times. I know that there are a lot of mamas out there who also have hard times after their babies arrive. Oh how we love our babies, but we don’t love what the hormones that come along with them, can do to us.  And there are many mamas who go through much more intense experiences than I do –especially with post partum depression that can last for many, many months.
My poor little soon-to-be baby boy.  I am so excited to meet him, but I have not felt ready to jump into that phase of life again.  And yes, I’m over 40 weeks!  What 40 week pregnant woman isn’t asking every other mom what she can do to encourage her baby’s eviction!?  Me. I’ve been over here chanting… “Not quite yet. Not quite yet.”  So even before he’s here, I’ve already felt guilty for not being ready.
But that all changed a couple of days ago. On my actual “due date,” we had the adult session for our stake conference.  I decided to go, even though I’m at that phase where I just want to hibernate and not socialize or be seen in public. Yet, I knew it would probably be good for me to be spiritually fed. So I changed into my maxi skirt, told my husband to pull on my boots for me, and off we went.
I have been trying really hard to get emotionally and mentally prepared for this next phase.  I also have been constantly reminding myself that I have overcome it before, and I can overcome it again.  I’ve prayed and have continually given myself pep talks and positive affirmations.  I’ve been trying, but had not quite conquered the fear of the future. Earlier that day, I had broken down into tears, while telling my sister-in-laws how nervous I was to care for another baby. 
But we made the trek through the snow to our stake center. And on this night, a special story really struck me. Yes, a story about a man who was a prisoner of war.  I will share most of the story, but you can read the full article on LDS Living:

“When my father, Alfred R. Young, was liberated from a Japanese POW camp at the end of World War II, he weighed 90 lbs.—scrawny for any man, but skeletal for someone 6 feet 3 inches tall. His weight, however, was only ashadow of concern compared to his mental and emotional condition after 39 months of wartime captivity. He endured two hellship voyages; physical, mental and emotional starvation; innumerable beatings; forced labor; disease; psychological abuse; isolation; and six months of Allied bombing raids that eventually obliterated his prison camp, devastated Tokyo and Yokohama, and killed many of the men who had become his brothers.
His physical internment ended in 1945, but Dad was still a captive almost eight years later when I was born. I knew he was a captive because Icould see he was somewhere else, walled up inside the sternness of his countenance. I knew it because I could see emptiness in the depths of his eyes.
One of those pictures was a close-up of a man completely alone, whose eyes were so deeply set that sunlight could not reach them. I can still remember my amazement upon learning that the man in the picture was my father.
In 1939, Dad had enlisted in the US Army Air Corps and was bound for Fort McDowell near San Francisco. From there, he was sent to Clark Field—an air base on Luzon Island in the Philippines.
Dad’s enlistment required only two years of duty overseas, but by 1941, America was preparing for war and his return to the States was canceled. Consequently, on December 8, 1941, just hours after the attack on Pearl Harbor, Dad endured the terrible destruction that swept over Clark Field, doing to America’s air power in the Pacific what had just been done to its navy. Before the war was two days old, Dad had lost two bombers and was the sole survivor of his crew.
Christmas 1941 found him in a foxhole on an island named Bataan. In the dead of night, his outfit was split up and he was assigned to a group that boarded an inner island cruiser. He was assigned to a machine gun post on the Pulangi River among the iguanas and head hunters.
For four months, he watched planeload after planeload of American officers and men evacuating from the Del Monte Air Field just a few miles tothe north. As a bombardier, he should have been aboard, but the call never came. One morning, he and his men awoke to discover that their officers had vanished in the night. Those left behind survived on worm infested rice, lived off the land, traded with the More people, and eventually retreated into the hills.
Life as a Prisoner
When his command surrendered in May 1942, he passed through thegate of a makeshift prison camp at Malabalay. From there he was among prisonersloaded into what would become known as a hellship and was taken to Manila’s in famous Bilibid Prison. From Bilibid, he and thousands of other prisoners were loaded into the holds of unmarked freighters bound for hard labor in Japan to drive the Imperial machinery of war.
Climbing down the metal ladders into the dark holds of those ships, prisoners were forced at rifle butt onto cargo shelves where they crawled in darkness toward the bulkhead. Dad descended until nothing but the naked rivets and rough joinery of the hull separated him from the murky waters of Manila Bay. In the deep shadows, he crawled through the prisoners, already packed intothe hold like bodies without coffins, until he came to the small wedge of a space where the curvature of the hull met the underside of a cargo shelf. The hatch closed. Darkness swallowed him.
Cradled in cold steel and stifling stench, groaning men with dysentery and other diseases lived and died around him in their own waste. It was impossible to know whether the shadowy forms around him were still men, orcorpses. The only reprieve was waiting on deck in the long lines for the over-the-side latrines that had to serve nearly 2,000 prisoners.
Because the freighters were unmarked, during their journey they came under Allied submarine attack. Dad watched, with the rest of the men inline, none of whom had a life jacket, as the captain tried to out-maneuver white tufted torpedo trails that claimed more than 3,000 prisoners. Fortunately, Dad’s ship escaped such a fate.
Not until the prisoners aboard the Tottori Maru were unloaded in Busan and hosed down on the docks like cattle, were all the dead discovered inthe holds. From Busan they sailed for Mojiand. Dad was sent to a labor camp on the island of Kawasaki in Yokohama’s waterfront industrial area.
There he endured steel gray days of disease, deprivation, starvation, forced labor, humiliation, beatings, and the constant threat of death for more than three years. He worked at the nearby steel mill, brick factory, railroadyard, and docks.
Reading material in the camp was scarce. He read Robin Hood so many  times he never wanted to see it again. Commenting one day to a fellow prisoner about how glad he would be for anything new to read, Jim Nelson, a young man from Utah, said he had a book he would gladly loan to him, but it was about religion. Dad exclaimed that he was desperate enough to read anything. Anything!
With the book in hand, Dad took it to the mat where he slept, sat down cross-legged under his blanket and began his first reading of the Book of Mormon. Much to his delight, it was not a book about religion, it was a story.
In fact, it was a story about a family, and memories of childhood and family were something that had already saved his life through the long ordeal of captivity. Whether it was the dreariness of meaningless labor or surviving the kicks and fists of his captors, he escaped into his memories of home, and in the Book of Mormon he found himself suddenly in a family with a bunch of rough and rowdy kids who acted just like his five brothers and two sisters.
Before the story was 10 pages old, the neighbors had tried to kill the father, the family had left home, wealth, and comfort behind to cross a wilderness, and the boys were swept up in a quest. And it was an exciting onethat resulted in theft of the family fortune, assault and battery on the youngest brother, beheading a corrupt military commander, subterfuge (complete with costume), kidnapping a servant, and smuggling a priceless treasure out of town in the dead of night. Whether or not the book had any religious significance, it was one walloping good tale!
After completing the Book of Mormon, Dad asked if there were other books like it that Jim would let him read. Jim admitted he had another book, but he really didn’t think Dad would like it. Dad pleaded, however, and excitedly returned to his mat and his blanket to lose himself once again, this time in the pages of something called the Doctrine and Covenants. When he finally finished, Jim wanted to know what Dad thought. Dad replied thoughtfully: “It’s very well-written, but the plot is lousy.”
Liberation at Last
From October 1944 through July 1945, as Allied air strikes intensified over Tokyo and Yokohama, Dad lived in the crosshairs of Allied bombsights that widened their circle of terror night after night and then day after day, killing  many friends and forcing him to dispose of their remains while assigned to body-burning work details.
Liberation finally came on August 29, 1945. In the chaos of release, Dad lost track of Jim. In fact, he tried to lose track of everything stained with the memory of his time as a POW. However, he crammed a  duffle bag with  belongings and memories he wanted to forget and put Jim’s books  on top of everything else.
On his way home, Dad kept leaving the duffle bag behind from ship to ship and port to port, trying to lose it. But from Tokyo Bay to Tulsa, it kept turning up, always a few days or weeks behind. But those were days for forgetting. The world had changed. Dad was out of step and anxious to make up for lost years. So the books followed him through his re-enlistment, marriage, a promising career in nuclear weapons, and the death of a daughter.
The books were still there when I was born in Albuquerque in 1953. Owing to the loss of their daughter, my parents feared to even hope that they might bring me home from the hospital, but I survived. And after a year, they began to look farther ahead, wanting to offer me a better home environment than they knew how to create. Those were days before post-traumatic stress had a name, and Dad was still captive to the ghosts of Kawasaki, disabling headaches, paralyzing dreams, alcoholism, and other disabilities resulting from the beatings, psychological abuse, and starvation.
Faced with a crisis of parenting, Dad remembered the Book of Mormon and the talks he had had with Jim about the Church. So he looked up the Church in the phone book and left a message asking that the missionaries drop by. Time passed, the message was lost, and the missionaries never came; at least, not in response to the phone message.
Weeks later, however, two full-time missionaries, traveling through our neighborhood en route to their tracting area, decided to try just one more door before going home for dinner.  They picked out our little house in the middle of the block. No one answered the doorbell; Mother was in the backyard and Dad wasn’t home from work.  But as the two missionaries mounted their bikes and were about to leave, Dad, who had worked a lot of overtime recently and had decided to come home early that afternoon, pulled into the driveway. Ignorant of Dad’s message asking that the missionaries drop by, they  introduced themselves.  Dad replied: “It’s about time. We’ve been waiting for you.”
Mother and Dad were baptized in the spring of 1956. In August ofthe following year, our little family was sealed in the Los Angeles Temple. On the way back to Albuquerque, we stopped in Reno, Nevada. Dad had had no contact with Jim Nelson since the war but had heard he was living in Nevada.
We stopped at a pay phone and Dad found a listing for James Nelson. A phone call and a brief conversation with Mrs. Nelson confirmed that it was the same Jim Nelson who had been a prisoner of war in Japan, but he was still at work. We drove to the Nelson home and were sitting in the living room when Jim got there. The reunion was everything that could be wished, but nothing was said about the Church. Nothing, that is, until Dad reached down to pick up the two books he had hidden on the floor beside the couch.
“Jim,” he said as he lifted the volumes into view, “We’re on our way home from the LA Temple where we’ve been sealed and thought we’d drop by to return your books.”
Until the day Dad died, in 2012, he was true to what many people have heard him say: “If what I went through was the only way I could receive the Book of Mormon, I would do it all again—even knowing beforehand what Iwould have to endure—just to have that book.”
Wow. Wow. What an amazing story.  What a HARD experience.  I sat there feeling grateful for the blessedlife that I live, and for the challenges that I have, even though some trials may be difficult.  And then it hit me.
“If what I’ve gone through is the only way I could have received my children in this life, I would/will do it all again – even knowing beforehand what I would/will have to endure – just to have my precious children.”
 
And just like that, something clicked in my mind and in my heart.  I wondered if there was a time when I was accepting my life’s mission as a Mother, where I told Heavenly Father the same sort of thing. That I was willing to go through such hardships, to bring my children to me in this earth life. Somewhere, sometime, I just might have agreed to this.  I know I can do it. I know it’s worth it. I know I’ll have another beautiful little soul to love and who will love me for many years to come. To enrich and bless my life. To teach me. To help me grow, and who can live with the rest of our family forever and ever. What a blessing. And I will go through what I need to go through, to have him in my life.
How especially blessed am I to know of God’s love for me. That He will be there for me, if these times are difficult, and if I have to go through the hardships of newborn life. I had someone remind me of a beautiful song, that I could apply to my post partum period.  I love it so much – it’s been in my head ever since. I want to share the words that strengthen me, even when I feel like my world is falling apart.  The song is “MyKindness Shall Not Depart from Thee,” written by Rob Gardner.  You can listen to it on this link .
Though thine afflictions seem
At times too great to bear,
I know thine every thought and everycare.
And though the very jaws
Of hell gape after thee I am with thee.
 
And with everlasting mercy will I succor thee,
And with healing will I take thee ‘neath my wings.
Though the mountains shall depart,
And the hills shall be removed,
And the valleys shall be lost beneath the sea,
Know, my child,
My kindness shall not depart from thee!
 
The Son of Man hath descended below all things.
Art thou greater than He?
 
So hold on thy way,
For I shall be with thee.
And mine angels shall encircle thee.
Doubt not what thou knowest,
Fear not man, for he
Cannot hurt thee.
 
And with everlasting kindness will Isuccor thee,
And with mercy will I take thee ‘neath mywings.
For the mountains shall depart,
And the hills shall be removed,
And the valleys shall be lost beneath the sea,
But know, my child,
My kindness shall not depart from thee!
 
You can watch the music video here:

 

 

Kindness – Paul Cardall – from Ephraim’s Rescue Soundtrack (2013)
by Lani

Hearts Turning to the Children

January 13, 2015 in Abortion, Intuition, Lani, Missions, Motherhood, Pain, Personal Revelation, Prayer, Prenatal influences, Traumatic Birth by Lani

And whoso receiveth one such little one in my name receiveth me. -Matthew 18:5

When I attended Felice’s yoga and meditation retreat at the beginning of the month, it was many things I expected it to be, but there were a few things that surprised me. One of those surprises was how many people told me that they had recently discovered a “castaway” in their family. I knew that the ranks of previously-aborted children coming to earth were growing, but I was still unprepared for the outpouring of witnesses I received at the retreat.

When I began my own journey of discovery with my daughter, I had never heard of “castaways.” I didn’t know anyone who talked about them. Finding and meeting pre-birth expert Sarah Hinze in 2010-2012 was surely no coincidence. Sarah has been a sort of lone voice in the wilderness for the past few decades, sharing her growing pool of case histories about previously-aborted children. She herself was highly skeptical at first. A couple of years ago, Sarah handed me a story that had clearly been typed decades ago and said, “I think this was the first abortion story I ever received.” She shook her head, saying, “I couldn’t believe it was true.” So she had put it away in a file, feeling sure it was an anomaly among pre-birth accounts. But then she received others, and that pushed-aside file started to grow.

Part of one of my favorite paintings (Source)

Part of one of my favorite paintings (Source)

As more and more of these brave and valiant spirits try to make their way to earth again, the powers of darkness are heightening their efforts at preventing their entrance. Personally, I believe that many of these spirits are God’s strongest “warriors.” Satan doesn’t want them here, and he certainly doesn’t want people acknowledging their existence. Revelation chapter 12 takes on new meaning as we consider the vast number of previously-aborted spirits seeking entrance into mortality: “And the dragon stood before the woman which was ready to be delivered, for to devour her child as soon as it was born” (vs. 4).

Before I met Sarah, God called me to help rescue these “castaway” children, but it hasn’t been an easy mission call. I was initially a little shell-shocked by the opposition and resistance I encountered from many sides when I joined Sarah in the work of helping these special children tell their stories. So I stepped back a bit from my advocacy efforts.

Since that time, awareness of Sarah’s research has broadened. Though the idea (of aborted souls being given second chances at life) is still far from mainstream, more and more stories are coming out of the woodwork, at least among the people I rub shoulders with. When I think about these “wounded warrior” children, I am grateful for the Spirit of Elijah. The hearts of the fathers and mothers are being turned to the children. As I wrote in our book The Gift of Giving Life:

The Spirit of Elijah will come to all of us.  The tendrils of his spirit reach far and wide—into the hearts of married couples, birth mothers, adoptive parents, foster parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles.  He calls on the highest and best within each of us to turn and welcome, protect, teach, and nurture the children waiting to be and those already among us.  It may not be easy, but the Lord has promised to help us.

The following is one of the growing number of stories I have received… from a mother whose heart has turned in love to her castaway child:

My first child’s arrival was surrounded with anticipation and joy. I was so thrilled to become a mother, and my husband and I were happy to start our family. We loved our little boy so much, but we quickly discovered that he came to earth with various issues. We wanted to help our son, but struggled to know what to do. He had severe separation anxiety, was only happy in my arms, struggled to bond to his father, and seemed to have “colic” and night terrors. I intuitively knew there was a cause behind it and that he was not just crying for no reason. The list went on and on of things that were “wrong” with his physical body. 
  
We tried many elimination diets, we saw many doctors, even natural healers, but did not find answers. I prayed constantly to understand more, to receive answers, and felt disappointed when I didn’t receive those answers immediately. I tried to have faith that God would give us answers eventually, and tried to be the best mother I could be.

I struggled with feelings of inadequacy and frustration when I couldn’t comfort my child, especially in the night terrors in which my son screamed in terror. At times I felt angry that my poor little boy had to suffer for reasons I didn’t understand. As he grew from a sweet newborn to tenderhearted toddler and fun preschooler, our love for him only increased, but we also felt sorrow that we hadn’t solved all of his problems. 

When my son was four years old, I was praying one morning, and I saw, in my mind, or in a vision, my sweet little boy, in the womb of another woman. I felt the pain, the fear, the emotional distress he was in as he was aborted. Amazed, saddened, and yet grateful to have this knowledge, I asked God, “Is there anything else I need to know about this?” And again in my mind, I saw that the woman who had aborted him was my sister, much older than me, who had been raped in college. In my mind, I could feel the fear and emotional pain of both my son and my sister. I cried for both of them. 

Later that day I felt confirmation that what I had learned about my son being a “castaway” was true. As my husband and I discussed it, we suddenly understood why our baby had been scared of strangers, especially strange men, and feared separation from me, his mother. Puzzle pieces seemed to come together as our hearts were given this knowledge. We felt a new level of gratitude to have our little boy be a part of our family and a new responsibility as we begin this journey of healing. 

DSC_3842

The Power of Music

August 23, 2013 in Missions, Music, Sheridan by enjoybirth

Music is one of my main spiritual languages.  It has been since before I joined the church.  I think I was born that way.  It touches my soul like little else can.

It is one of the first things I loved about going to church.  We sang so much, especially because I started going to church in 1985 and the new hymnal had just come out, so after Sacrament meeting our ward had song practice before Sunday School to learn new hymns.  Lots and lots of singing.  I loved it.

Some of the most spiritual experiences I have had are connected with music.  Like Andrea’s birth. 

Think about the music you are playing in your world.  Inspirational music is important.  I am not talking only hymns, there are many songs that can inspire us.

I read an interesting article about the vibration music can have.  Some is high and some is low.  Choose music that have positive vibrations.

I am blessed to have a son who is gifted musically.  His songs (many he has written himself) fill our house every day.

I was listening to music the other day and the Holy Ghost flooded my soul and I wrote down the impression I had to share with him.  “Only create music that lifts and inspires.”

Here he is with his little brother, singing a song written by an Elder before his mission.  Enjoy!

 

by Lani

Sacred Paths, Sacred Fruit

July 5, 2013 in Book, Conception, Dads, Eve, Lani, Missions, Motherhood, Pregnancy, Preparation, Rites of passage, Sexual intimacy, Symbolism by Lani

By Lani Axman

Recently, I started reading Windows to the Womb by David Chamberlain. As I read his beautiful description of the conception process, I couldn’t help but recognize some familiar archetypes and symbols within it. I found it so beautiful that, once again, the words of the family proclamation rang true: “We declare the means by which mortal life is created to be divinely appointed.” The journey that brings the seed of a man and the seed of a woman together as one flesh is sacred and symbolic of the divine missions of men and women on this earth.

As Heather has so beautifully outlined in her “Two Veils” essay in our book (along with other LDS writers), the primary mission of women is to bring premortal spirits through the first veil (by partaking of the first tree), opening the pathway into the progression provided by mortal life and separation from God. Likewise, the primary mission of men here in mortality is to guide us to partake of the second tree (the tree of life) and to pass through the second veil which brings us to eternal life and reunion with God.

Lehi described the mission of fathers and the journey to the tree of life this way:

And after I had traveled for the space of many hours in darkness, I began to pray unto the Lord that he would have mercy on me, according to the multitude of his tender mercies. And it came to pass after I had prayed unto the Lord I beheld a large and spacious field. And it came to pass that I beheld a tree, whose fruit was desirable to make one happy. And it came to pass that I did go forth and partake of the fruit thereof; and I beheld that it was most sweet, above all that I ever before tasted. Yea, and I beheld that the fruit thereof was white, to exceed all the whiteness that I had ever seen. And as I partook of the fruit thereof it filled my soul with exceedingly great joy; wherefore, I began to be desirous that my family should partake of it also; for I knew that it was desirable above all other fruit. (1 Nephi 8:8-12)

He also described the other souls journeying toward the tree of life:

And I also beheld a strait and narrow path, which came along by the rod of iron, even to the tree by which I stood; and it also led by the head of the fountain, unto a large and spacious field, as if it had been a world. And I saw numberless concourses of people, many of whom were pressing forward, that they might obtain the path which led unto the tree by which I stood. And it came to pass that they did come forth, and commence in the path which led to the tree. And it came to pass that there arose a mist of darkness; yea, even an exceedingly great mist of darkness, insomuch that they who had commenced in the path did lose their way, that they wandered off and were lost. (vs. 20-23)

The path Lehi (and others) walked to fulfill his divine mission sounds very much like the path taken by the millions of sperm entering a woman’s body in their effort to fulfill the measure of their creation.

David Chamberlain describes their difficult journey this way:

The epochal journey of sperm, once launched, stretches . . . from vagina to uterus to fallopian tubes. . . . Along that pathway sperm will face both barriers and blessings. . . . Only strong sperm can negotiate these narrow straits. Beyond the cervix, the uterus contains endless folds and recesses in which a sperm can become hopelessly lost. Weak or imperfect sperm tire and drop from the race. . . . Along this rigorous course in foreign territory, sperm are expected, perfected, and screened! The trip may take hours or days and require as many as twenty thousand tail strokes. (p. 18-19)

ovum640

Just as Lehi took a dark and difficult journey along a strait and narrow course with mists of darkness and many dangers threatening to tempt him off the path, the sperm entering a woman’s body must also traverse a narrow course through inhospitable terrain. These numberless concourses can also become lost in strange roads as they seek the “most desirable fruit” of the ripe ovum waiting for them at the end of their journey. Though the analogy is not perfect, I found the similarities beautiful and meaningful.

The ovum’s journey to that point is also beautifully symbolic. I particularly love this part: “Within the ovaries, a group of nurse cells surrounds female germ cells. Collectively they form a follicle that embraces a developing egg cell . . . and turns it into a nearly ripe ovum” (Chamberlain, Windows to the Womb, p. 20).

primary_follicle

What a beautiful object lesson. Just as the ovum is embraced, prepared, and ripened by a group of tender caregiving cells, ideally a young girl is embraced by a group of loving women who tenderly prepare her and assist her as she matures toward the threshold of motherhood. I rejoice when I see a new mother receiving this kind of sisterhood preparing her to partake of the first tree–as did Eve–and fulfill her mission to bring children through her body (the first veil) from premortal to mortal life.

If you view the conception process through the lens of the two trees and the two veils, the ovum within a woman’s body can be recognized as symbolic of both of the trees. The ovum is the fruit of the tree of life for the sperm seeking that most desirable above all other fruits. And the ovum is the fruit of the tree of knowledge of good and evil for the daughters of Eve who beckon for the sons of Adam to partake and thereby become one with them.

David Chamberlain writes: “Generation after human generation, we have been participating in this passionate reproductive drama . . . based on largely invisible and unexplainable physical processes–and with scarcely a conscious thought of what it might have been like for us to enter, dwell, and exit that incomparable inner sanctum” (p. 2). In our modern world, we have the rare opportunity to see photographs and ultrasounds of the procreative process. We know more about how life is formed than any generation before us. And the more I study and ponder that procreative process, the more awe and reverence I feel for it, all the way from preconception to postpartum. The entire process is sacred, symbolic, and stunningly beautiful in every detail. What an honor to be among those given the gift of housing within my body that “incomparable inner sanctum” where the entire creation of human souls occurs. What a gift.

2013-07-03 04.00.00 pm

Chain Breaking

April 29, 2013 in Angels, Energy Healing, fasting, Felice, Forgiveness, Intuition, Missions, Personal Revelation by Progressive Prophetess

chain through heart hole in post

On December 21, 2012, (the day we transitioned fully into the Aquarian age,) I was weighed down with the heaviest energy of my entire life. A few days before, I started doing some energy work that I didn’t realize would have such a huge effect on me. I blogged about this on Dec 20th,here. If you read the blog post, you can feel the intensity—but the following day, the 21st, was even more intense. I felt like I was feeling all the hopelessness and despair of all of my ancestors and all of my husband’s ancestors too. It was so heavy I almost couldn’t bear it. I understood why people commit suicide (and several of my ancestors did). By evening when it hadn’t cleared up, I asked for help. A friend guided me through an imagery journey where I asked to connect with an angel of Joy. The following vision occurred, (I quote this is from my journal):

The angel of joy appeared, who was actually Heavenly Mother. She filled me with light and she told me that I was strong. She said she knew that I didn’t want to be strong but that it was my spiritual gift, so stop wishing it wasn’t. That was eye opening. She filled with me light and also helped me break the chains holding my body down. [They were very very heavy. I had a physical feeling of not being able to move on my bed.] Others came to help (ancestors?) but they couldn’t do it without my help. So I took the light within me and blasted the chains and freed them too.

The angel said that I’d feel joy when I woke up. I thought she meant in the morning, but I realize she could mean “wake up” as in become conscious and awake to the things of God.

 It was a strange imagery journey for me. It took a very long time to break the chains and when it was all over, I was still left with a feeling of not totally understanding or being free of them.

 Last week after talking to the amazing Sarah Hinze (premier researcher on Pre-Birth Experiences – which are similar and sometimes cross over with Near Death Experiences) about one of her books in progress tentatively called Chain Breakers, I remembered this vision. I now realize what it was about.

 As Sarah told me about her forthcoming book, she said that some of us have a mission in this life as chain breakers. As soon as she said it, I knew I am one, and so is my husband.

So what does it mean to be a chain breaker? In my experience, chain breaking is no small thing. Those of us who volunteered in the pre-existence to be chain breakers for our family lines have a heavy burden to bear. We come into this world with the energetic weight of generations of sins and sorrows and behavior patterns from our ancestors. Many people think because they have had certain traits/tendencies since they were born, that it is part of their personality. However, anger, defensiveness, harshness, addiction, fear, chronic depression, anxiety, guilt, grudges, etc, are not personality traits—they are energy distortions. And if you look through your family line and see them there too, they are most likely chains that need to be broken. (Please note: negative emotions aren’t necessarily a bad thing—and we shouldn’t try to do away with them, but sometimes emotions can become programs that take a life of their own.)

  Carlfred Broderick, a noted family therapist and author, wrote about this principle of chain breakers.

“. . . My profession as a family therapist has convinced me that God actively intervenes in some destructive lineages, assigning a valiant spirit to break the chain of destructiveness in such families.  Although these children may suffer innocently as victims of violence, neglect, and exploitation, through the grace of God some find the strength to “metabolize” the poison within them, refusing to pass it on to future generations. Before them were generations of destructive pain; after them the lines flow clear and pure. Their children and children’s children will call them blessed.”

 

These chains CAN be broken! Many such things that were once thought genetic are actually epigenetic (which means “on top of the genes”), and they can be cleared or pulled, like threads, from the family tapestry. One day in the spirit world, all of your ancestors and posterity will thank you!

 There are people close to me in my life that I can see quite clearly are chain breakers, like for example, my husband, but they themselves have no idea this is what they are carrying.

 Chain breaking is not just a selfish quest for self improvement—all of your ancestors and posterity are counting on you to do it. The weight of chain breaking can be lightened immensely just by understanding what it is you are doing. But if a person doesn’t understand it, the sheer heaviness of the burden can shut them down, as it almost did me on December 21, 2012. What a day to reach impact with your mission. Wow. I didn’t realize then what was happening, but I am awake to it now and what a joy! I also realize that it is my mission to help others who are chain breakers.

 So how does one break chains?

 Because they are not physical chains, but energetic/metaphysical, they have to be addressed on the same level. So what is energy healing? It is all kind of things. For example, saying kind words to someone or giving them a hug is energy healing. So is hypnotherapy. So is guided imagery. So is anointing someone’s head with oil and pronouncing a blessing. Basically we all energy and any techniques that are based on this life-giving, universal energy (which we know is the light of Christ) are called energy healing. As far as professionals, there are so many different modalities of energy healing out there (I have studied many of them and every time I turn around there is a new one—that’s not a bad thing. It shows God has many channels.) Many of these techniques are fabulous. Some are great but I find rather slow. Some are amazingly super fast. Sometimes it takes a whole combination of different tools to break your combination of chains.

 FYI, not all “energy healing” or “energy healers” are a good fit for Christ-centered people because they require you to give away your agency, which will only wrap you up in more chains. (The main things to avoid are anything that requires you to let an outside spirit use your body or anything that requires recreational drugs or psychedelic drugs even if they occur in nature. Other than that, just follow inspiration and trust your intuition. All healing comes from Christ, but the facilitator’s beliefs and energy will effect the healing.)

 Each person’s chain breaking path will be unique. However, there are several energy healing tools that I recommend everyone include in their recipe.

 Pray: Prayer is energy, and the spoken word is the most powerful form of energy because it is how worlds were created: “All things are done by his word….” If you are thinking Yeah yeah, prayer. I always pray,then maybe you should pray to know what to pray for. Pray for the Spirit to make intercession. Pray to see things as they really are. We each have our own reality, but God’s reality is the one that counts and is the one that will change you. Chain breaking is an important mission and you will not be without legions of angels and ministering spirits to help you once you take this action. Unified prayer is powerful. So pray for others and ask them to join you in prayer for a specific intent.

paryer partners

 The Temple: Pray in the temple and put names in the temple.  Prayer in the temple is very powerful. There are angels there in the circle who will take your prayers directly up to God. I have never seen these angels, but I have a testimony of them.

Find and take your own family names to the temple. This is not doctrine, but I have this belief that energy healing, while it will heal our living ancestors through our genetic line, will only heal our dead ancestors if they have been sealed to us. Why do I think this? Just a hunch, and lots of hints from the scriptures. Like these:

 And now, my dearly beloved brethren and sisters, let me assure you that these are principles in relation to the dead and the living that cannot be lightly passed over, as pertaining to our salvation. For their salvation is necessary and essential to our salvation, as Paul says concerning the fathers—that they without us cannot be made perfect—neither can we without our dead be made perfect. (D&C 128: 15)

And Malachi says, last chapter, verses 5th and 6th: Behold, I will send you Elijah the prophet before the coming of the great and dreadful day of the Lord: And he shall turn the heart of the fathers to the children, and the heart of the children to their fathers, lest I come and smite the earth with a curse.

Joseph Smith says this about the above scripture: I might have rendered a plainer translation to this, but it is sufficiently plain to suit my purpose as it stands. It is sufficient to know, in this case, that the earth will be smitten with a curse unless there is a welding link of some kind or other between the fathers and the children, upon some subject or other—and behold what is that subject? It is the baptism for the dead. For we without them cannot be made perfect; neither can they without us be made perfect. (D&C 128:18)

I’m sure people disagree with me about energy healing and sealing, and I’d love to hear thoughts in the comments. My rationale is that on earth we are bound by genetic links, but in the afterlife, if not sealed, we are kind of free floating –all sons and daughters of God, but in that world a son might be older than a mother and the family linkage is just not the same. I admit I have no concrete evidence on this, but let’s assume for a moment it is true. And that the only action you were to take was go seal some people together—suddenly any and all “energy healing” that was waiting to be applied to that person, is applied, and then travels all the way forward and back through all the linked generations. It goes far and wide. Not just to you but everyone in the shade of the tree will benefit.

Also, you will benefit in other ways too. Spencer W. Kimball said, “When we do our family names in the temple, we are building our own sanctified army that we can call on when we need them.”  That is a paraphrase of his quote.

 Meditate: Prayer is when we talk to God. Meditation is when God talks to us. Meditation is an energetic technology that opens the combination lock to God’s door so He can pour out his Spirit upon us. In Isaiah 55 God says “my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are my ways your ways.” But we learn in Lectures on Faith, The Spirit is the Mind of God, therefore, if we have His spirit, our thoughts and ways can be His ways. Certain forms of Meditation like Kundalini Yoga also can clear the generations as well as help us to change the patterns in our lives so that we don’t re-create the same problems. If you want to know more about Kundalini Yoga Meditation you can take my next webinar or sign up for my newsletter so that you can download me free e-book when it is ready in about a week!

baby's hand in giyan mudra

 

 Fast

Fasting (going without food and drink or some other thing for 24 hours while praying for a specific intent) is an amazing kind of energy healing. In Isaiah 58, God lays out the blessings of the fast. They are enormous and they specifically mention chainbreaking. Here they are:

“And they that shall be of they [your posterity] shall build the old waste places: thou shalt raise up the foundations of many generations; and thou shalt be called, The Repairer of the breach, The restorer of paths to well in.” –Isaiah 58:12

My personal experience is that whenever I fast, God guides me to a new energy healing technique or he increases my spiritual gifts and intuition.

 Oh and one more thing: this is actually the first thing one should do before doing any healing, because that is the pattern that Christ set, is to cast out any darkness, such as devils, demons, or unclean spirits. Always do this in the name of Jesus Christ as this is the fastest and best way. And these are the signs of his followers: that “they cast out devils in my name.” Then ask Christ to shield you in His love and power. Contrary to popular belief, devils are pretty common and like to hide out in us and act like they aren’t there. I have had them, and I frequently cast them out of my clients. They feed on our natural negative tendencies/weaknesses and exaggerate them. I’ll write a post on this soon. But for now, even if you don’t think you could have this problem, just humor me and cast them out anyway. It only takes a few seconds to say the words and command them to go. I recommend doing it every day during your prayers.

 I’m sure I’ll have more to say about this soon since I feel like I am just learning in many ways. I welcome thoughts and comments.Also, if you have a story about chain breaking that you would like to submit to Sarah, she is still looking for stories for her book. You can find her at www.sarahhinze.com

 

Serving a Mormon Mission helped me be a better Mom

October 6, 2012 in Missions, Motherhood, Sheridan by enjoybirth

I am loving General Conference this weekend.

New Ages for Missions!!!

The monumental announcement of the new age boys can serve is now 18.  I have 3 boys, so that will affect me in different ways.  What it might mean is 2 of my boys will be serving simultaneously for a time.  My oldest will be 19 when he graduates from high school, he was planning on going right after school, which is unusual.  But by the time he graduates it may be more the norm.  A year later T2 will graduate and then turn 18, so he would have the choice of leaving then.  Wow!

I wasn’t even thinking about the girls, so when President Monson continued on and announced they were changing the age of when girls can serve to 19 I was amazed.  I felt the spirit and knew it was inspired.  I started crying tears of joy.  My husband and 12 year old were on a plane flying up to Utah for General Confrernce, so it was just me and my 14 year old and 6 year old and they were confused as to why this was such a big deal.  But I really feel like it is!

I am not sure what I really think about the possible meanings of the new age for girls.

  • Does it mean serving a mission is more important than schooling for young woman?
  • Does it mean serving a mission may be more important than an early marriage for a young woman?
  • Will this be a wonderful way to help young women make a successful transition into womanhood as active members of the church?

The answers probably would vary depending on the girl!

How I ended up as a missionary

  • I am an only child.
  • I started going to church with a friend when I was 15 (attended early morning seminary and everything.)
  • I was baptized on my 18th birthday, because my parents wouldn’t let me get baptized so I had to wait.
  • I graduated from college at 21.
  • I had known I was supposed to go on a mission for awhile, but my parents were not supportive, so it took me a very interesting story and time to actually go.
  • I finally left to serve a mission in Bordeaux France when I was 22 1/2.

My mission was life changing for me.

I wouldn’t have been able to serve at 19.  I needed to finish school and be independent of my parents before I could go.  But for many girls with supportive parents, a mission at 19 could be a wonderful option.  I think the important thing to remember is that girls can still go when they are 22, they don’t have to go at 19.  It just adds a whole new group of women.

Regardless of the age a young woman serves, the things she learns can help her as a mother. Obviously you don’t need to serve a mission to be a great mom!  But it helped me.

I am excited more girls will have this opportunity.

What I learned on my mission and how it helps me as a Mom.

1.  Boys are silly and gross.  Before my mission, I was kind of boy crazy and I thought they were ALL wonderful ALL the time.  Remember I am an only child, so I never saw the stinky side of boys.  Let me tell you, I don’t know if it was the food at the MTC, but I experienced more farting than one could ever imagine.  It was a shock.

Imagine the shock of being a wife and mother of boys if I hadn’t learned this.  Instead my boys don’t freak me out that much.

2.  I learned how to live with someone you don’t know at all and you might not choose to live with if you had the choice. (Just so you know, this is Sis. Nagel and she was my favorite companion ever, I would choose to live with her again for sure!)

I did chose my hubby.  But I didn’t get to hand choose my children.  One who shall not be named is not always the easiest person to live with.  But I had learned on my mission how to be a little more patient/understanding and live with challenging people.

3.  I learned how to teach with the Spirit.  On my mission I had the opportunity to teach multiple times a week.  I learned quickly that teaching with the Spirit is the way to go.  Much more effective then on my own.

As a mom, the Spirit is my biggest help to me as I teach my children.  It is the biggest help in pretty much any tough decisions I make regarding my children.

4.  I learned how to deal with frequent changes.  I have always been a very “boring” person.  I get in a routine, I like it and I see no need to change.  Life it good and safe that way.  Well on a mission, you have changes at least every 2 months or so.  A whole new person is dropped into your life, or you get a new person and a new city thrown at you simultaneously.  It wasn’t comfortable or easy, but it helped me to grow.  It  more importantly helped me to learn how to be more open to change.

Mothering is a series of changes. As a mom just as you figure a kid out, he changes.  Or you think, I got this discipline thing down, because xyz worked so well with T1, it will certainly work with the other boys.  Well, NO.  Each of my kids is very unique and I have to learn a new way for them too.

5. I learned how to chill out and relax.  Maybe some people go and learn how to be more disciplined and dedicated.  But since I was the lone convert in my house, I had to stand STRONG AND FIRM.  Which made me a bit rigid.  With support from companions, districts and zones, I didn’t have to stand on my own.  I had support and it helped me to relax and it was good.  (My husband who knew me before my mission agrees wholeheartedly with this.  It was a good thing for me to relax.)

As a mom I sometimes have certain ideas of how I want things to go.  Well, they don’t always go that way.  (Actually they almost never go that way.)  I know that I can chill out and relax on certain things.  That in the end it will be OK.

Did you serve a mission as a young woman?

If you did –

Did you learn things that have helped you as a mom?

If you didn’t –

Do you wish you had?

Do you think you would have if the age was 19 when you were younger?

I am so excited for these new changes. I am not sure what it all “means”, but I know it was inspired of God!