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All of the talk was beautiful, but do you know what my absolute favorite part was? My favorite phrase Elder Holland uttered today was this: “laboring through the battered landscape of his despair.” As Elder Holland spoke of a mother striving to bear up her son as he traveled through the darkest days and nights of his intense anguish… I can’t even really describe to you what I felt inside.

Last Sunday we talked about Gethsemane and the Apostles struggling to “watch” with Christ in His agony. I think our instructor’s was the best explanation I have ever heard for the apostles seemingly “slacking on the job.” It is not easy to hold space for someone in pain, and the Apostles were holding space for the most intense experience of pain that has ever occurred.

Yogi Bhajan taught that it was the job of a yoga teacher to “poke, provoke, confront, and elevate.” If that is the case, no one has been a greater teacher to me than my children. No spiritual practice has done more to purify my soul than motherhood.

For now, a pill is what is making my brain and body bearable for my spirit. For now, the healing power of God has not removed my body’s weaknesses but enabled me to thrive in spite of them. It is not the healing I wanted or expected, but it is a healing of sorts.

Sometimes, playing my little “Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star” feels like the hardest thing in the world. And the Master’s request, “Don’t quit. Keep playing,” feels like the tallest order ever given. Endure to the end? Really? I so often respond, as Moses did, “It is too heavy for me,” and in my darkest moments, “Kill me, I pray thee.” But grace. Grace.

Perhaps it’s wishful thinking on my part, but I feel in my gut that we and our children and grandchildren will build Zion, we will BE Zion. I want to get there as quickly as possible. Maybe you’re as eager as I am? If so, here are some books you might love (if you haven’t read them yet)…

After returning home after our summer trip to UT, I decided that I wanted to do 40 days of the meditation “Ra Ma Da Sa” with the intention of helping my daughter heal from her prebirth wounds. So I did. And it was life-changing.