After Rob and I decided we were really “done” I said again,
“Why don’t you have a vasectomy.”
An unexpected blessing in that by meeting our deductible of $7000, we now felt we should get all those doctor visits we needed done. Strange spots on my head, etc. So at that point a vasectomy first came up.
“Why don’t you have a vasectomy?”
That discussion led us to actually question if we were really done and then decide to try no birth control (until my birthday) and see what happened.
This led us on quite a journey, ending with an early miscarriage and finally a feeling of being done.
Which led us back to the vasectomy question.
I was excited, Rob seemed OK too, until he read our book, the part that shares the church’s statement on
Then he got very serious about the choice. He pondered for a month and then we went to the temple. He was more intense about this decision than he had in the decision to not use birth control. Later he explained it was because he knew you couldn’t go wrong having a baby, but it could be wrong to get a vasectomy.
The time was running out
– if he didn’t do something by the end of the year we would be paying out of pocket. The pressure was on.
After the temple, he felt OK moving forward with the surgery. It was a challenge to find a date that worked with Christmas Parties and a planned ski trip. But he found a date and made the appointment.
Suddenly I didn’t want him to get it. It was weird. I still feel OK about being done, but not OK about this permanent change in his fertility. Doing something permanent felt wrong to me somehow. I was glad he was willing after a few months without condoms, it wasn’t fun when the condom fairy returned them. Side note – I love Fertility Awareness Method, my issue is because I am pre-menopausal my cycles are weird and there are only about 7 days out of a 40 day cycle where I feel “safe” to have unprotected sex.
But I definitely felt unsettled about him having the surgery.
So 2 days before his scheduled surgery, I went to the Gynecologist (the morning after a skin surgery – we had months to get these appointments in and saved them all for December) and discussed other birth control options. Some tears were shed, she agreed it sounded like a permanent choice wasn’t the one for us. In the end I made a choice and
Rob cancelled his appointment.
Who knows why we had to go through this big decision making process. I guess to help us grow.
Interestingly this had led to quite a few discussions with friends about birth control and vasectomies.
- Many of my friends husbands have had them and I wonder if they even knew about the church’s stance before they did it?
- How seriously did they take the choice?
- Even though we feel “done” does that give us the power to change our body to permanently prevent procreation?