still bleeding pretty steadily. Cramping has gone down. Spent the morning taking T2 to his tryouts and then to our charter school to help clean. I just talked to other moms, no work for me today. Then home to rest.
I am feeling better emotionally too today. I am still unsure of what to do later, but trying not to fixate on that (I tend to do that) but instead just be in the present moment.
Remembering to breathe while feeling these strong feelings. Letting them move through me instead of getting stuck.
I also finally got out The Gift of Giving Life and started reading some loss stories and essays. I am finding them so comforting. I probably read them before, but they didn’t touch my heart like they do now.
I am so glad that we included these stories in our book, it is a part of many women’s life.
I never thought I would have a miscarriage, that those stories would be for ME. But now they are and I am glad they are there. I imagine one day I will be grateful to have had this experience, it will help me as I work with women.
(I found this lovely necklace when searching images for grateful. I LOVE it and want it as a momento from my sweet tiny hope of a baby I lost. The page where I found it on wasn’t where I can buy it. If anyone knows where I can get this, let me know! For some reason it touches my heart. The teardrop shape of the grateful plate, is like the tears I cried and also like the womb I carried my baby in. The tiny heart is like my tiny baby.)
– went to church. I am telling people I had a miscarriage and it is amazing how many others have had one too. It is strange we don’t talk about this.
It is like a hidden thing, until someone tells you, then you share.
I wish we talked more about it.
Nikki said,
“I knew you were going to try to have a baby. How could you not with your book?!”
She has been reading it and it makes her want another baby. She is one of my birthing heroes. I will have to tell you some of her stories one day.
Rob and I decided not to make any decisions for a few weeks. To let my body and hormones recover. So we will use birth control for a few weeks as we move on and process what happened. We will decide later what to do. Check back next month, I am sure I’ll give you an update.
Listen to this weeks podcast to hear what we decided.
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