I had another appointment with Pam and admitted that for a while now I am sad each time I get my period. That I want another boy baby. Of course Rob wants a girl.
So we worked on letting go of the fears I have
- I WON’T get pregnant and I will be sad. That will be a loss, opening up to having a baby and then not having one.
- I WILL get pregnant and the baby will be a girl. I am sure I would adjust, but for some reason girls scare me. I think it is having to do their hair? Also I know how to raise boys and they are so much fun and my boys are so great that I want another boy.
- I will have another traumatic birth.
With talking about it, I realized those are just distractions. Certainly I can handle any of those things if they happened, but when I get worked up about it and create drama about it, it is just distracting me from the revelation I received that what happens is in God’s hands and I am choosing to place it there.
No drama needed.
Since then I have been able to see myself as a mom of a girl. I have never even been able to imagine that before. So I feel more open to whatever may be.