Here is the next post in my series: How I Joined the Mormon Church

You can read the previous posts here:

My last post talked about my “hard year.” My first year at college, my first year after being baptized and the struggles I had.

When I got home for the summer after my Freshman year I knew I needed to make some changes and I needed help. I got out my journal and read about that summer and, wow I was confused, lost and felt so alone when I got home.

Not Worthy for Church?

I drove to church that first Sunday and as I entered the parking lot, I was tempted to drive right out. I didn’t feel worthy to be there. I didn’t know if I belonged there anymore. I was filled with negative self talk and almost drove away. Luckily I didn’t listen. I parked my car and went into church.

From my journal:

May 14, 1989 I went to church. It was OK. I was scared to go. I almost didn’t. I was driving there and I almost turned around. What is wrong? I know it is true. I am just tired, I am worn out. Can I hold on?

Surrounding myself with Positivity

I reconnected with 2 dear friends. Alain and Mike. They were both preparing to leave for their missions. They were a wonderful support that summer. We hung out all summer and they lifted me up. They reminded me that boys could be nice and respectful!

I worked at a day care 30 minutes from my house. I would listen to Anthony Robbins or other self help tapes on my drive and they only music I listened to all summer was Christian music. I surrounded myself with positive messages in words and music and friends.

It was the summer I learned that I had control over my thoughts and how powerful they were! I really loved Anthony’s tapes. Life changing for me.

This was the summer I was truly converted, because it was when I finally believed in my heart, spirit and mind that I was truly a daughter of God and that changed everything.

My heart was healed, my spirit rejuvenated.

In July I went to Mike’s ward and then the missionaries came over to do a practice lesson after church. I remember feeling the Spirit so strongly. I wrote in my journal:

I realized it was true. The spirit touched me. I realized how simple the Gospel was and I was right to be baptized.

I was in such a dark place I was questioning everything. That day it was like the light came on again and I remember feeling the joy I had been missing.

Interesting Tender Mercy

July 25th Naomi (co-worker) and I got to talking today and the talk came to drinking. I made the point that I don’t drink alcohol. After work we went to a co-workers Bridal Shower. I got a glass of punch. I had taken a few sips when Naomi noticed. She asked if I knew there was Vodka in the punch. I said, “No” It hadn’t even occurred to me that there might be. I thanked her for letting me know. She finished the glass for me. What she did was something a friend would do. I am truly touched. I learned a good lesson. Friends aren’t always who you think and check what is in the punch before you drink it!

I have always remembered that experience and wonder what may have happened if we hadn’t had that conversation earlier in the day. So glad we did.

Feeling the Spirit Again

By this point of the summer, Late July I was feeling the spirit again on a consistent basis and as I said in my journal, “It was wonderful”

The rest of the summer was watching movies (from my journal it seems like I did a lot of that. I guess I need to stop judging my 16 year old son for watching movies a lot.) Hanging out, working, going to church, giving a talk….. just normal stuff.

I had my goals all in place and was working on them daily.

Short Term

Go to church every week.

Pray in morning and evening.

Study Scriptures Daily

Write in Journal.

Raise GPA to 3.0

Strengthen Relationship with Jesus.

Long Term

Be married in the Temple

Graduate from College without losing sight of “growth” (I think I meant spiritually)

So grateful for good friends

I know that having supportive, spiritual friends to help me get back on track was so instrumental that summer. Also their families opened their hearts and home to me. It is so true that some homes have the Spirit. I felt that there. I knew I wanted that when I grew up.

Don’t leave me at this place

Then I had to go back to Vanderbilt. Summer was over and my Dad drove me down to school. I remember crying and saying, “Don’t leave me at this place.” I was so worried I would back slide, that I would lose all I had gained. I wasn’t sure I would have the support system I needed to succeed.

If you remember my Freshman year I was the only active student there. No institute or other support. But Heavenly Father sent me 3 Mormon friends who started Vanderbilt that year. Better yet, Jon had a car and could drive us to church each Sunday. I survived and I guess in some ways thrived from then on. There were still struggles and challenges, but I was back on the path and had the support I needed to stay there. Connecting with the church and God is very important for so many people, this is why helping churches out in any way that we can is important for our communities. Software like Tithe.ly can help people with donating to the church and keeping them linked to their religion.