So one of the questions someone asked at the Gift of Giving Life Panel last month was, “How were your births spiritual and how did you prepare for that?”
I answered that my births were not very spiritual. I don’t know if that is really true, but the spirit of the question made me want to somehow let people know that it is OK if your births are not spiritual and that it was more looking in retrospect that I saw the spirituality of them, rather than during my actual pregnancy and birth. Remember I had my births before I was part of the book and before I even had the idea that they could be spiritual. I think that being open to that idea can open you up to be aware of all the spirituality in the experience, as I discovered.
Here is ways my first 3 births were spiritual.
- Feeling warned by the Spirit that their was a problem with Devon
- Getting a blessing before my cesarean
- I can’t pick anything out, but using hypnosis helped me really connect with the baby and also let go of fear from my first pregnancy and birth.
- When T2 was a few weeks old I had a pretty spiritual experience with him, where we connected very deeply and I saw a glimpse of who he was eternally.
- Again a lot of connection with my mind, body and spirit because of hypnosis.
- Being in awe of my body and how it could birth a baby like it did!
As a Doula
- Here is where I have experienced spiritual births in a more traditional way. It wasn’t until after I had T3 that I consciously was introduced to the idea that pregnancy and birth were spiritual. That caused a giant shift in me and also in the way I was a doula.
- Being a part of the creation of The Gift of Giving Life and reading all the stories and essays was eye opening. Just being aware changed so much. I then shared the idea of spiritual birth with my doula clients and saw that even with the idea being suggested, they ran with it and had amazing spiritual births. I learned a lot from them.
I wish I had shared my miscarriage experience instead of jokingly saying, “I wish I could have another baby just to have a spiritual experience.” Because while my miscarriage wasn’t a typical birth scenario, it was very spiritual. My pregnancy only lasted a few weeks, but the journey to that pregnancy was long and filled with much prayer. I blogged all about it and you can read my journey here.
Here are a list of blog posts of my journey to us “trying”
- I don’t feel another baby waiting
- But, I want another baby
- Inspiration from General Conference
- Fasting for an answer – feeling I should give up “control”
- Admitting our fears to each other helps us move forward
- Opening myself up spiritually to another baby
- Condom Fairy Visits – at least til my birthday
- Calling = no baby?
Then we got pregnant and had an early miscarriage
- Surprise I got Pregnant
- Adjusting to the idea but worried too
- Definitely a Miscarriage
- Grateful for Miscarriage Stories in our book
A brief recap is: opening myself up to getting pregnant and then my miscarriage were actually very spiritual experiences. I learned a lot through them and my testimony was strengthened. I think because I was open to whatever experience I was meant to have. I was sad when I lost my baby. With a lot of prayer and support from friends and family it is something I look back on with a warm heart. I think part of that is I consciously chose to see it as a spiritual journey and to really open my heart and spirit to experiencing it. That is what allowed me to flow through it more easily.
I was able to dedicate my hike to Machu Pichu (which I did the time the baby would have been born) to my baby and let her go, allow her to move on to wherever that may be. Into a new body right now or choose to wait to come back one day as my granddaughter. I am not sure of the details of how it all works, but I felt peace and I am grateful that I had that experience. It has made me a more compassionate person and also helped me to grow in many ways.